Nothing and Everything
by forbiddenisepic
Summary: Four people. Three vampires. One human. Two brothers. Two look-alikes. Two heartbreakers. One heartbroken. Twin flames, igniting as one.


_She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart, while I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar, and we don't know how we got in to this mad situation, only doing things out frustration. She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time. We both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts. We're smiling but we're close to tears._

He's Damon Salvatore. He's supposed to be bad. He's supposed to be ruthless. His heart is supposed to be as stone-cold as it has always been.

Then, Katherine happened, which, in all honesty, he doesn't if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Then, Elena happened. This, he knows for a fact, is a blessing. But, why does it feel like a curse now?

What the hell happened to him? Who is Damon Salvatore now?

* * *

"_Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. I wanted to thank you for that."_

It was a very fateful night. He kissed Elena. Elena- the girl who is now his everything. It's very much cliché to say so; but, she is the meteor or the shooting star that sparked through his dark night. She was his spark of hope, that last chance to feel appreciated, to make him feel stellar, like he's not the second-rate that everyone has made him feel.

To say that he has zero feelings for Elena is a lie. A complete, utter lie. He can't hide it. Everytime she's around, he can't help it. He looks penetratingly at her with eyes that speak of love.

She's so different from Katherine. Katherine is all about passion, like he is. Sure, that they are alike in that department. So much so that when they come together, it's all about emotions, and not so much on the reality of their feelings. But, it is different with Elena. What they have is real. They have a connection, she said once. He can't deny that. She can't deny that. They can't deny that. Heck, even the people around maybe do not deny that.

It had only been months, and yet he was able to do a 360- degree. The horrid beast within him is at bay, completely restrained and chained with bolts and shackles. Sure, he did not, nor will he ever, lose the snide, sarcastic, and smart-aleck comments. But, amidst and behind all of those façade is a heart that is passionate and full of love, yet so broken. Or, at least, at the verge of being broken. He looks up to Elena as his only salvation, his last chance of believing that there is still life for him, even in his living-undead state.

They went through so much together. They've had family nights, which he immensely enjoyed. They've been in a roadtrip- the roadtrip that completely changed and cemented their views of each other. They've been on a rescue mission. No matter what he says, there is still one thing that he and Elena unite for: the life of Stefan. He's rescued her from the embarrassment of walking down and dancing alone in the Miss Mystic Falls competition. He was there for her in her moments of distress over Stefan- supporting her and protecting her from the beast that was Stefan. She was there for her in his moments of heartbreak over everything, over Katherine, and even over her.

He only had one thing to ask.

_Don't tear me down. Make my heart a better place._ He believes that she'll do this, even without him asking it of her. She won't break her because she knows how broken he already is. He's just at the process of mending. So, no, she won't break him. Never.

* * *

"_Hey, if you want to forget it happened, fine. But, I can't._

"

He's chipper than ever, and that's a lot to say about Damon Salvatore. He kissed Elena; "she" kissed him back. Suddenly, as they say, the world becomes brighter. Forget Katherine. She can rot in hell, even if that means he'll be the one to send her there. Right now, his world is all about Elena. Yes, to some extent, he is whipped.

Even with the town at its craziest, he can't bring himself to be stressed about everything. Sure, there are a lot of problems that need to be dealt with. But, he's filled with so much positivism in him that he believes that everything will be okay. That's why when Sheriff Forbes came to him, he consoled her; he listened to her. The old Damon wouldn't have done that. But, at that moment, he felt the need to. He even offered help for Caroline, who, to those who know, he had a bad history with.

Then she was there.

He so badly wanted to talk her. If there's one problem that he wants to deal with as soon as possible, it's _their_ problem. He struck at the first chance that he got. As she was walking by, he grabbed her by the arm. He didn't beat around the bush. He wanted her to know that he wanted to talk.

He wanted to know what happened about the porch. But, she was adamant in talking about what happened with the "tomb vampires," how they were able to escape. He couldn't believe it. After everything that happened, she chose to talk about _that_. As if they didn't have more pressing issues at hand!

He was getting furious and impatient. Didn't she remember it? Was she just playing with him? Even as he reiterated it to her, she couldn't remember. What in the world is this? It was _Elena_. He was sure of it.

Maybe she didn't make a big deal out of it. Maybe it didn't mean anything at all to her. But, it sure did mean a whole lot to him. It was his last straw.

Then, Jenna came. The person who's his Number One Fan right now.

Then, he overheard (or eavesdropped at) their conversation.

He was not stupid. He knew why Elena was so clueless about the "kiss." He knew why Elena didn't know where Jenna was.

Katherine. It always has to boil down to her, doesn't it?

_I only said it 'cause I mean it. I only mean it 'cause it's true. So don't shoot down what I've been dreaming. I'm in love. I'm terrified. For the first time._

* * *

"_You're scared. You think Katherine's going to send me off the deep end, don't you? I don't need her for that."_

Now, he doesn't know what to feel. He doesn't know where he's at, where his head is at. Most importantly, where does he _really_ stand in Elena's heart?

He's back to his black hole. He was hurt to know and finally confirm that it wasn't Elena that he kissed, that it was Katherine. There! That's another problem: Katherine. She's back to the town that he so wanted to protect. But, now, she's running loose, probably waiting to wreak havoc. She's even pretending to be Elena. He should know; he was her first victim.

Despite the Katherine problems, it's still _Elena_who's occupying the biggest part of his mind and heart. He's hurt, to say the least. But, he won't admit it, even to himself. Yet, he knows that she knows that he's hurt and that he's hurting.

He hides. That's the one thing he's exceptionally good at. That's his forte. That's what he's been doing for the rest of his vampiric life. It's his way of escape. It's much easier, come to think of it. You don't have to deal with those ill and crushing feelings, which he's having right now.

Then, there she was again. _Oh, great!_ Another reminder?

They both had the "tug 'o war" conversations that they have mastered. Doesn't he get tired of it? Even he doesn't know.

She said that she was surprised that he would think she would kiss him, even if she was still with Stefan.

_What was I supposed to think? "You" kissed me. I didn't know you had it in "you" to do that. But, we all know that it wasn't you, was it? You've made it a point to screw that point in my mind._

He so badly wants to spit those words to her. But, he couldn't. It's still _Elena_ he's talking to. Even if he wants to kill someone just to vent out the anger and hurt he's been feeling, he can't because that will crush Elena, and he doesn't want that. So, yes, he has reduced to being masochistic, and once, again, he doesn't recognize himself. But, he has to do something, or else, he'll explode. Just a tiny push will let him explode. Just a tiny nudge will release the beast that he so painstakingly tamed.

Oh, what do you know, Elena gave that last push. Really, he couldn't understand her sometimes. She said she cares for him, and yet she hurts him all the same.

"_Why is it such a surprise that I would kiss you?"_

"_That's not a surprise. I'm surprised that you thought I'd kiss you back."_

All right. So, that's it.

Instead of lashing out right there and then, he just spoke three words that they both know was genuine. Even if his voice was thread with sarcasm and his usual tone, they both know that he really, _really _meant it.

"_Now, I'm hurt."_He really was.

_Please don't let this turn into something it's not. I can only give you everything I've got. I can't be as sorry as you think I should. But, I still love you more than anyone else could. The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could. First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything. Please, just save me from this darkness._

_

* * *

"The truth is, I've never loved you. It was always Stefan."_

He came back home. There was something in the air. Something that was named Katherine.

He summed up all his courage and bravado to hate her, and to prevent her from getting under his skin.

She gave him a choice: Kiss me, or kill debated. It shouldn't be a struggle, really. It _should_be "kill." And so he tried. He got her pinned down to the ground. He could have snapped her neck in a flick of the wrist. But, the passionate side in him got the better of him.

He kissed her. At least, now, he knew this was Katherine. He wasn't fooled.

They got into a very, _very _heated make-out session. Damon let his inhibitions go. If this was his form of rebellion, so be it. They both fell into a pattern. It was like 1864 again, only without Stefan.

Elena turned her back on him, as she carefully and slowly pierced his dead heart. Well, at least, he still had Katherine. _Or so he thought._

He was so close to going back to the naïve, innocent Damon that he was. But, he didn't let it. He wanted to let her know that she couldn't have her way with him _that _easily. 2010 was so different from 1864. Against his carnal desires, he stopped. Even Katherine was disappointed in that. He had to make sure that he wasn't bargaining himself and his heart for nothing. He wanted something from Katherine in return.

Katherine was a smart woman. Even while he was explaining and preparing to go straight to the point, she knew what he wanted to ask. Even if he said that he was willing to forgive and forget those 145 years, she knew that what she was about to say was the end of them.

He demanded honesty and sincerity from her. That much she owed him. So, she gave it to him.

"_I've never loved you."_ Four words. Four simple words when you look at it. Four words that took everything out of Damon. Elena cracked his heart. Now, Katherine broke it to pieces. _What is with these two women? They look alike, __**and **__they think alike? Did they conspire to do this at the same night? Talk about a double whammy._

For a moment, he was silent and immovable. He wasn't even probably aware that Katherine left already. He just stood there, desperately trying so hard to let the words sink in. He has grasped it, but he refused to accept it. It couldn't be true.

It was at that time that he confirmed that he really did wait for 145 years for _nothing_. Nothing- well, that is a perfect description of _what he is_ right now, and _what he is feeling_ right now.

Nothing. Second-rate. Second best. Never appreciated. Never loved.

_We still hold on 'cause it was all you wanted, and all I needed. But, all I gave up now. Could you hold me tighter when worlds collide? Pull me in. Drown my fear. Could you wait another day, knowing that I'll come back? Just hold me down right now._

* * *

If there's another thing that he is exceptionally good at, it's drinking. So, he drank. He drank his heart out. He drank until his heart felt numb. It was ironic, really. He has a dead heart, yet he was able to feel it beating and crushing. This had got to be a record. He was able to feel his heart beating and fluttering, and crushing and beating _all in one day_. Because of two women. His past and present. His present and his future.

He went to Elena. He couldn't help it. There was a magnet that pulls him to her. His world was gravitating towards hers. Even if she hurt him, he could and would still come to her. That was how close they have gotten. That was how open they are to each other.

He scared her. He sat there, on her bed. He was probably wallowing in self- pity right now. But, of course, he won't show it. He masked it with a face that was a little less sad-looking, even though he was completely dying inside.

She thanked him for looking out for her, for them. _As if she doesn't know that he'd do that in a heartbeat!_

He said nothing. That was when she notices. He was drunk **and** he was sad. That, to her, was not a good combination. Even though he pouted and showed that he only drank a little, she didn't buy it.

Then, what happened next was all a blur. One minute, they were recalling their conversation in the Lockwood funeral hours ago. Next minute, they were arguing. The next minute, he was holding her firmly against him. The next minute, he was forcefully kissing her. The next minute, his world stopped moving. Yet again. For the second time at that night.

"_Damon, I care about you. Listen to me. I care about you. I do. But, I love Stefan. It's always gonna be Stefan."_

Then, Jeremy came. _Great! Just what he needed._ He was consumed with so much anger, frustration, and heartbreak all over again. Honestly, he didn't know where each emotion started and ended. They were all mixed up in his system, and he didn't know what to do with them.

Hoping to appease him, he blurred towards Jeremy and snapped his neck. All in one motion. All, probably, in one second.

Yes, his actions were drastic. His actions were ruthless. For a split second, they were both reminded of the man he used to be, the savage beast that he was internally struggling with at that very moment.

He ran out. He just ran out. He didn't want to. But, he had no choice. He didn't want to do that. He just wanted to prove a point, and to remove even an ounce of what he's feeling. Heck, he knew that Jeremy wouldn't die. He made sure of that. That boy was precious to Elena. Elena was- _is-_ precious to him. So, why in the world would he do that?

He left Elena shouting and crying over her (not biological) brother. His Elena.

He hurt her again, just like she hurt him. Breakeven.

He came there for comfort, for a second chance at love. But, all he got was heartbreak. No means could _ever_ justify that end.

_Everything I can't be is everything you should be. That's why I need you here. So hear this now. Come home. I've been waiting for you._

* * *

He came home, and he was all alone. Again. As it always has been.

He didn't know what to do. He wanted to kill. He wanted to cry. He wanted to die.

Instead, he picked up his glass of liquor and threw it across the fireplace. But, it did nothing. It didn't melt his heartbreak.

He was frustrated. About what exactly, he couldn't pinpoint. Everything that has happened and everything that he's feeling have mixed into one, giant bubble that he just doesn't know anymore. He didn't know anymore. He doesn't want to know anymore.

It's Stefan. It's Katherine. It's Elena. The love triangle has become a love square. _How highschool, really._

More than anything, it's him.

How could he become this guy? He barely recognized himself anymore. That doesn't mean that he completely hates it. He hates it at some point. But, he can't bring himself to hate all of it. Only because that who he is now has a lot to do with Elena, and he has her to thank (or maybe curse) for that.

This was, again, a proof that shutting your humanity out is the easiest way to go. You experience no pain, and yet you still gain, contrary to the proverbial "No pain, no gain." But, he can't go back now. He doesn't know how to go back.

If there's anything that he is sure of right now, it's that he and Katherine are over. Way over. At least that's one problem solved. But, he can't help but relish in the hurt that it brought him, that she brought him.

Things are so messed up now, especially with Elena. He's absolutely sure of it. Whether or not he's heard it, he knows that there's a strong possibility that she hates all of him right now. That there's a possibility that their friendship has completely evaporated, and that they're back to ground zero. They've come a long way now, and just because of what he did, just because of everything he felt, they're back to square one.

He knows that he has to make it up to Elena. He has to make it up. Otherwise, he'll be losing the one, last precious thing that he lives for. And he doesn't want that. That is his last straw. Letting that happen is as good as dying altogether.

But, not right now. He can't bring himself to say sorry … yet. But, he is. He just can't … yet. It's too much for him. He just hopes that somehow, Elena will know that he is sorry. And he hopes with all of him that she doesn't really, _really_ hate him. That will mean that everything that he has worked hard for, everything that he has tried to become is for nothing.

Nothing. That what he's feeling right now. He's had too many emotions in one night that he just became numb to all of them.

Nothing. That's what Katherine is to him right now.

Nothing. That's probably what he is to Elena right now.

Nothing. That's what they are right now. Their friendship, shut down and crumbled into debris.

Nothing. That's what his heart is right now.

Elena cracked it. Katherine crushed it. Elena burned it to ashes.

Nothing. That's what he hopes everything will be right now.

_How do I slow down? I can't relate to my heart now. I've thrown what I know. I gotta find some way to fumble right through this new heartache. I think I'd disappear, leave my head in the air for a chance to feel so far, far away from here. I know I can't stay too long. I don't belong here. Oh, lovesick mistake, turn me away._

**

* * *

AN: **Alright. So let me know what you think, please? Please help my baby grow. :)) This might turn out to be multi-chapter, or a oneshot, depending on the reviews you guys will give me. :)) This is my first attempt at the D/E story. So, let me know what you think.

If it turns out okay, I'll continue this, and I'll make sure to add a following chapter **after every episode**. 'Til then, please, please **spread the word and review. **Actually, I'm dying to write some more. So, PLEASE let me know. You help me, I help you crave for more D/E. Lol.

Review this, please?

Music: "For the First Time" by The Script, "All I Need" by Within Temptation, "Terrified" by Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levi, "Make This Go On Forever" by Snow Patrol, "All You Wanted" by Sounds Under Radio, "Come Home" by One Republic feat. Sara Bareilles, and "Lovesick Mistake" by Erin McCarley. Listen to these songs! They're hella awesome!

REVIEW THIS, PLEASE. Thanks so much, in advance. :))


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